sometimes i want to be an outstanding person

I’ve resolved to be a more focused thinker.  It’s hard living with myself when I’m not positive with what goes on in my mind, if anything goes at all.  My mind is always terrifically absent of thoughts, moreso now than previously.  I guess it’s nice when I’d rather not worry about anything, but it definitely has been crippling as far as my academic ventures are concerned.  Does it stem from disinterest, or maybe laziness?  Or a fine combination of both.  That seems the most accurate.

But, truthfully, I feel like my mind is jumbled with something.  Maybe I can dredge it out with writing–let the muck ooze out my ears and nostrils.  Actually, I’ve felt clogged up for a while.  Fasting might be good.  Ahh, if only I had some beet juice, I’d really be in business.

Yeah, I have no clarity in my thoughts, nor any obvious stream of consciousness.  And it feels like I’m always trying too hard to sound intelligent, but everything ends up being trite and ridiculous.  Is this maybe a funk?  I hope it passes.