An obligatory 5 year retrospective of blogging

Actually, there’s nothing saying I have to write a blog concerning the fact I have been blogging for five years (however intermittent my posts), but somehow it seemed like an important benchmark of my internet life.  That’s half a decade of writing things of questionable literary quality and thrusting it into the quasi-public sphere of internet readership.  Sometimes I feel angry that I don’t have a million followers and haven’t figured out how to make my livelihood just on the basis that I have a blog with more than zero posts in the archives, but I quickly realize this anger is misguided and born of some delusion that because I am on the internet I should be famous.  That’d be like saying since I lived in L.A. I should be a celebrity.

The internet has this potent magic, a heady mix of entertainment and information; and, somehow, it can easily convince an individual of his massive importance to the world.  It’s even more intoxicating when you realize that it only takes one thing to distinguish yourself amongst your virtual peers.  Heck, sometimes it doesn’t even need to be original.  In fact, the internet is so full of simulacra that even if you thought you had an original idea, it already exists.

So, what to do? Well, in my case I jumped on pretty much every internet fad that has passed through the limelight. (And since internet time is exponentially faster, that count is reaching the septillions.) Consequently, I have been deeply disappointed since about age 12, but I did have a pretty fine mastery over the Geocities html editor interface.  Now, in the third decade of my life, I have come to an understanding that if I am not destined to be an internet elite, I will be its connoisseur.  Like a sommelier, my palette will discern the very best, leading me to the deep and complex underneath a sea of facsimile.  Then, rather than projecting my good taste onto the world via some social networking medium, I’ll keep it to myself, treasuring my snobbery in that tiny reptilian heart that beats so cold in the deepest reaches of the soul.

and life just gets shinier

Though I would hardly consider myself a tech savvy type, I am one of those who likes to pretend I am competent and aware of all the latest gadgetry and technological doodads. This I accomplish through more or less impulse purchases (I would say I spend a lot of time deliberating, sometimes 3 whole days) then mull over whether it was a good idea, if I’m the kind of person who really needs a lot of fancy accessories and such, but lemme just put it out there that whoever, whatever, an iPhone 4 is absolutely an incredible piece of hardware. Don’t assume that simply because it’s never crossed your mind to have an application that allows you to know what the constellations are floating above your head that it is unnecessary–you will soon find it IS necessary and you’ll wonder why you’ve been such an idiot to have waited around this long only being able to identify the Big Dipper with your measly childhood astronomy knowledge. Yes, with the iPhone 4, you’re no longer a wimpy, sniffly nosed kid. You’re an adult. With an iPhone 4.

I may need to be wary; if I feel this powerful only having possessed an iPhone for several hours I may start trying to tinker with the very fabric of our reality, and from every science fiction story I’ve ever encountered that’s when things can get a little bit weird.